How to learn to communicate with people

For many of us, communicating with people is not easy. Why can some people speak in front of a huge audience, easily igniting it with their ideas, easily exchange sparkling jokes at parties and instantly make acquaintances, while others hardly even maintain an ordinary everyday conversation? Is it possible to learn to communicate with people or is it a gift available only to the elite? What prevents us from speaking easily and freely, and why is this skill so important? Let’s try to figure it out.

What gives communication with people?

We need people skills every day. Some believe that effective communication is something in the arsenal of business psychology, and people who do not need to negotiate in business need to learn how to communicate. And this is a big mistake that can be costly.

Communication with people is an important part of our life. Through the ability to clearly express our thoughts and listen, we can not only achieve career success, but also make friends, build relationships with family and friends. Psychologists know that most conflicts in a couple and even divorces are caused not by insurmountable contradictions, but by a banal inability to negotiate. And how many people suffer from loneliness just because they are embarrassed to talk to a pretty stranger or stranger! In short, the ability to communicate is necessary for everyone. This is the key to success in all areas of life. Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, Winston Churchill and Jacques Chirac would hardly have reached the heights of the political Olympus if they were not such brilliant orators. Steve Jobs is known for his speeches no less than innovative computer developments. The legendary beauties of past centuries in ceremonial portraits do not at all amaze with external data – however, contemporaries in their memoirs praise them not so much for their beauty, but for their ability to carry on a conversation.

Consequences of quarantine: how to cope with stress and anxiety?

Stress in quarantine: why it occurs and who is most susceptible to it. Why can’t you ignore
It should be noted that “to communicate” and “to speak” are not the same thing. Communication is a complex process that consists of both verbal communication (what we say) and non-verbal communication (how we do it). And the second type of communication is much more important – the greatest influence on the interlocutor is produced not by the meaning of our words, but by the sound and timbre of the voice, posture and gestures. And finally, most importantly, these are our thoughts and feelings that are in our subconscious. This is the fear of rejection, rejection, anger at offenders, etc. They influence the reaction of our interlocutors and determine our level of communication skills.

Why are we afraid to be heard?

What stops us from speaking? Shyness, fear of saying something stupid or being misunderstood, fear of speaking your mind, low self-esteem, and even problems with diction – all of these problems are based on psychology. Often their roots go back to the distant past – in childhood or adolescence. As adults, we forget those unpleasant moments that planted the seed of insecurity in us, but they continue to influence our behavior. Irritated “Don’t talk nonsense!” from parents, painful speeches at the blackboard in the classroom, ridicule by peers – all this turns into serious communication difficulties in adulthood.

To identify and eliminate the cause of communication difficulties, it is necessary to work with a psychologist. But the first and most important step is the recognition that the problem exists and the desire to solve it.

If you are afraid to talk to people, start by talking on the phone. For example, instead of going to the website of a beauty salon and finding out everything about prices or services, call there and find out everything by asking the administrator questions. Make a list of questions, feel free to ask for details and clarify.

Psychology of communication with people

The psychology of communication with people is based on several rules, which were most clearly and clearly formed by the famous psychologist and writer Dale Carnegie. He published his most famous books in the 1930s and 40s, but since then nothing has changed in human behavior and these rules are still relevant.

Rule #1: Be genuinely interested in others.

We all consider ourselves unique and want to be interesting to others. Remember your communication experience – we are always more willing to talk not with those who say smart things, but with those who let us know that we ourselves are interesting.

Rule #2: Smile.

Psychological research has shown that people who smile are generally more attractive to us. We tend to ascribe to them the best human qualities. A smile shows the interlocutor that communication with him is joy and pleasure.

Rule number 3. Remember that your own name is the most pleasant word for any person.

Calling a person by name, we give him the simplest and most natural compliment. The name for us expresses individuality. That is why many people get so annoyed when someone mangles their name or uses a form that they do not like – for example, “Manya” instead of “Maria.” Using the name of a person in a conversation, you seem to be saying to him: “You are an amazing person and a bright personality.”

Rule number 4. Know how to listen.

Sadly, few people know how to really listen to the interlocutor – most often, especially in the heat of an argument, we simply wait for our turn to speak out, without delving into what they are trying to convey to us. But the demonstration of attention is a powerful tool of influence. Listen to the person, ask him additional questions and do not hide your emotions if you hear something new or amazing. And if you remember the statements that the interlocutor himself seemed successful, and accidentally screw them in the next conversation, he will be simply subdued.

Rule number 5. Talk about what interests your interlocutor.

Everyone has their own “horse”. If you find the topic that excites your interlocutor, you will win him over. This applies to both business communication and ordinary friendly conversations. Even if the topic does not seem particularly important to you, do not close yourself – try to listen and find out something valuable for yourself. No wonder the Chinese sages said that you can learn from the first person you meet.